CELEBRATE RECOVERY

Sexual Addiction
Women

Bethlehem Church
Gastonia, NC

Fridays 7 - 10 p.m.

SEXUAL ADDICTION

As women, sexual addiction is unique. Our behavior ranged from sex with self, phone sex, cyber sex, and pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit relationships, and multiple adultery. For some of us it was exotic dancing, escort services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively, and performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of self-worth. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden. We jeopardized our relationships, jobs, morals, and values; we even neglected our children. All the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors. “What will just a little fantasy hurt”, or “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.” As we lived a double-life, we became disconnected from reality making true intimacy with another impossible. We carried this behavior from relationship to relationship and even into our marriages.

Why? We ran from pain. Pain of shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse. We lacked self-worth and feared intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape. We felt abandoned. We had a need to be in control and have power over others. Spiritually, we were bankrupt.

We have learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies by reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us. This in effect defined our belief system in a way that was not in line with God’s plan for sexuality.

Sexual addiction is progressive. What starts as a little flirtation or a “curiosity”, the line we chose to cross, set us into motion for the next line we chose to cross. Ask the adulterer, ask the prostitute, ask the slave to the Internet, “when, how they started, and how it ended.” We tell ourselves that the next sexual act will be better and more lasting, but it never is.

Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing relationships, our marriages, jobs, and material possessions and in some cases, our children. For many, the risks of sexual transmitted diseases (STD) are now a reality. And finally, we hit a bottom.

There is a void that we haven’t been able to fill with fantasy, sex or lust. We’ve asked ourselves, how did we get here. Sometimes, we don’t even remember why we started acting out in the first place.

SELF-CONTROL

There’s a struggle going on inside of us - a fight for control. Our willpower fails us repeatedly. Where can we turn when we realize that we can’t get control of our life? The apostle Paul said: “I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict...But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:16-17, 22-23)

Self-control is not willpower. It is not something we get by gritting our teeth and forcing ourselves to “just say no.” Self-control is called a fruit. Fruit doesn’t instantly pop out on the tree. As the tree grows and seasons pass, the fruit naturally develops. As we continue to follow God’s guidance, taking one step at a time, our self-control will gradually grow. Our job is to stay connected to God. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to produce the fruit of self-control in our life.

Taken from the Life Recovery Bible

Romans 7:15 - 17....

“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can’t help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things.”