CELEBRATE RECOVERY

Co-Addicted Women in a Relationship with Sexually Addicted Men - COSA

Bethlehem Church
Gastonia, NC

Fridays 7 - 10 p.m.

The Problem

Many of us blame ourselves for the addict’s behavior: “If only I were prettier, thinner, taller, shorter, etc...if only I were more sexual”. We give in to him, only to lose ourselves in the process. Sometimes we have even participated in his sexual fantasies, or joined in by buying him pornography or renting videos, leaving us feeling used and abused. Some of us ignored or did not recognize the signs that the addict was living a secret life.

Many of us blame the addict and his behavior for every problem in our relationship. We believe that if he would only change, everything would be fine.

We have tried to control the addict’s behavior, thinking that as long as he follows our directions, or suggestions, he will stop being a sex addict. We have sometimes pretended to family, friends, and co-workers, that everything is “wonderful”. We have been unforgiving and sometimes punishing toward the addict.

The Solution

We came to realize that we could not control the addict or his behavior. We understand that our problems are emotional and spiritual. We have become ready to face our denial and accept the truth about our lives, and our past issues. We realize that blaming ourselves, trying to control the addict and/or ignoring his behavior, refusing to set and uphold our own personal boundaries, are all signs of co-addiction.

We are ready to accept responsibility for our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives. We are dedicated to learning about sexual addiction and co-addiction and becoming partners with our spouse or significant other in recovery. We realize we are not responsible for his addiction or recovery. It is not our job to “cure” him. We are willing to find healthy ways to release our fears and anger and refuse to use anger inappropriately towards the addict.

We realize our group provides a safe place to share our fears, hurt or anger and also is a place to rejoice in victories. We have become willing to face our own defects and work through these feelings in our group. We are willing to take the focus off of the addict and focus on God and our own thoughts and feelings

Co-Addicts may share the following experiences -

-Having a spouse who has continually called “900” sex numbers
-Having a spouse who is currently having or has had an affair
-They, themselves, are having an affair
-Issues dealing with molestation and abuse from spouse
-Their spouse having homosexual affairs
-Their spouse watching adult sex videos and buying pornography (magazines)
-Their spouse having sex with prostitutes

Through a Christ-centered recovery group, the Co-addict can achieve the following:

1. Allow the Co-addict to hear the struggles of other Co-addicts.

2. Learn healthy, Christian values for family roles and rules.

3. Gain information about healthy sexuality and relationships.

4. Break through denial and other family patterns.

5. Encouragement from the group to find peace, strength and grace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

6. Build healthy relationships by finding love and acceptance in a “safe” place to share

The term Co-addict refers to codependent behaviors. In essence, co-addicts are addicted to their husband’s or significant other’s behaviors. We either give in to them or try to control them or make them stop. All books and materials refer to the spouse of a sex addict as a “co-addict”. As co-addict”. As co-addicts we recognize that we need the recovery process to heal ourselves and grow in our relationship to God.

Books:

Partners: Healing from His Addictions by Dr. Doug Weiss

Partners Recovery Guide: 101 Empowering Exercises by Dr. Doug Weiss

Faithful & True by Mark Laaser